In this digital age, the lines between reality and virtual connections have blurred, giving rise to a unique phenomenon known as parasocial relationships. From defining their types to discussing their impact on mental health and romantic dynamics, this blog post aims to shed light on the complexities of these one-sided connections.
What is a parasocial relationship?
A parasocial relationship is an emotional bond that individuals form with media personalities, celebrities, or public figures through various media platforms. These connections are one-sided, meaning the media persona is unaware of the individual’s existence. A parasocial interaction is a term coined in the 1950s by the social scientists Donald Horton and R. Richard Wohl. Back then, people were forming relationships with people they saw on TV. Nowadays, however, there are more ways to reach out to your favorite celebrity via social media. Some of them may even reply to your comments or messages if you get lucky enough!
Parasocial relationships are enhanced by the trust and self-disclosure provided by the media persona, which allows media users to feel directly connected to them. Observing and interpreting the media figure’s appearance, gestures, voice, conversation, and conduct, media users develop a sense of loyalty similar to what they feel towards their close friends.
Despite the lack of direct interaction, individuals in parasocial relationships experience genuine emotions, often feeling as connected to the media persona as they do to their real-life relationships. These unique connections blur the lines between reality and virtual interactions, and while parasocial relationships can offer comfort and entertainment, it’s crucial to maintain healthy boundaries and ensure they don’t replace or hinder real-life social interactions.
What is an example of a parasocial relationship?
One classic example is when fans develop an intense emotional attachment to a celebrity they admire. While the fan feels like they know the celebrity intimately due to their media presence, the relationship remains one-sided as the celebrity is unaware of the fan’s existence.
What is a parasocial girlfriend or wife?
A parasocial girlfriend refers to a type of intense-personal parasocial relationship in which an individual, typically male, develops deep emotional feelings for a female media personality, celebrity, or character. The individual may fantasize about being in a romantic relationship with the media persona, despite the obvious unattainability of such a relationship.
What is a parasocial boyfriend or husband?
A parasocial husband refers to the intense-personal parasocial relationship in which an individual, typically female, forms a deep emotional connection with a male media personality, celebrity, or character. The person may view the media figure as a romantic partner, even though there is no actual relationship.
Is a pseudo relationship the same as a parasocial relationship?
A pseudo relationship and a parasocial relationship are not the same, but they share similarities. A pseudo relationship typically involves a person forming an imaginary or fantasy-based connection with someone they know in real life, such as a coworker or acquaintance. In contrast, a parasocial relationship revolves around forming an emotional bond with a media personality or celebrity, where the connection is primarily one-sided and lacks any real-life interaction.
Parasocial relationships in the media
We can see these examples in popular movies or series. In the fourth season of popular thriller series You, a character named Lady Phoebe (played by Tilly Keeper) was a socialite and influencer who was stalked by a fan in a parasocial relationship. Spoiler alert: This fan had a whole story in her head that Lady Phoebe’s posts in social media were directed at her and she even imagined scenarios together where they are hanging out and talking. This eventually took a dark turn when this stalker kidnapped Lady Phoebe in an attempt to “rescue” her from a serial killer who was targeting her friends. Lady Phoebe was eventually, and ironically, rescued by the series’ anti-hero Joe.
But not all portrayals of parasocial relationships in the media are unhealthy. In another Korean drama Her Private Life, a series that specifically discusses the lives of fans, the protagonist Sung Deok-Mi eventually meets her idol through her work and she doesn’t become the typical crazy stalker-type of fan. In fact, she became a supportive figure for this idol and this is largely due to the fact that her life did not revolve around being a fan girl and she was also in a healthy relationship with another man.
This begs the question – what is the difference between being a fan and being in a parasocial relationship? What are the boundaries? When does it become a parasocial relationship? We’ll try to explore those questions in the next few sections.
What are the three types of parasocial relationships?
Researchers have identified three primary types of parasocial relationships:
Entertainment-social parasocial relationships
This type involves forming connections with media personalities purely for entertainment and social purposes. Viewers enjoy the content and feel a sense of camaraderie with the celebrity or media figure.
These are usually light and fun and many people may engage in this type. It can be your brother or boyfriend sending a direct message or commenting on their favorite footballer’s Instagram post after a game. Or perhaps giving some extra effort to score VIP or backstage passes to your favorite singer or band’s concert.
Intense-personal parasocial relationships
In this type, individuals form deep emotional connections with media personalities, perceiving them as close friends or even romantic partners. They may become emotionally invested in the figure’s life and well-being.
For this type, a lot of Korean pop or K-pop groups encourage this type of relationship as they do a lot of fan service. And they do not find it offensive either. For example, female fans would call their idols “oppa” which directly translates to older brother, but in this context, it is a term of endearment that girlfriends also use for their boyfriends. They also give gifts to their idols and devote a lot of time and effort to them.
Maria, a tech executive living in Europe, is a fan of K-pop group Astro. She shares her experiences of being in an intense-personal parasocial relationship with the group’s members.
Her obsession with the group started in the middle of lockdown when she was isolated and living away from family and friends. She found comfort when she discovered the six-member group and began watching their videos and other content every day.
Soon enough, joined fan groups that organizes themselves to promote the group and help them win music award shows. This consisted of downloading several apps where she has to collect or buy items that she can later use to vote for the group in Korean music or award shows.
“It got too intense at one point that I was getting into arguments with other people online, especially fans of other groups who we were up against,” she said.
Though working remotely, she would take annual leaves for several days so she can focus on voting or streaming the group’s new music videos. She also reposts the photos of the boys, which prompted some of her friends to think she was going out with them.
“Korea really knows fan service and some Korean celebrities would post what is called ‘boyfriend pics’ on their social media. It’s basically photos of them having dinner or something and the photo is taken from the point of view of whoever they were dining with. So it’s something fans can repost and they can pretend that they were with the celebrity at that moment,” Maria explained.
She also said that there are actually a lot of ways to interact with celebrities even during lockdown. People who bought the new albums can get a chance to have a video call with them if they get entered into a raffle.
“There is a website where you can subscribe and they send you ‘personal’ messages on their channel like they are sending you a direct message. On Twitter, there are also certain days that fans call a menpa or mention party where they will reply to your tweets. There used to be an app called V Live where they go live (like in Instagram live) and they read messages or just talk to the fans and read live messages too. For Astro, some of the members would call up and just ask how everyone is. They would do it at night at Korean time and even sing lullabies for the fans. It’s really like having a real-life boyfriend who updates you on their day-to-day life,” she said.
She finally got to see Astro perform live in 2022 when the group visited the UK. She got VIP tickets which also enabled her to have a meet-and-greet with the boys. Sadly, barely a year after, one of the group’s members died. She and other fans were devastated.
“It was like losing a friend… I was crying and I couldn’t concentrate on anything properly,” she said.
Maria said that another friend who was also a fan got depressed. This friend left her job for a while and she had to relocate closer to her parents’ house so she can have the proper emotional support.
“A lot of the fans were crying for months. I felt sorry for those who only had Astro for emotional support. For some of the younger fans, this was their first experience of losing someone too,” she said.
Though intense parasocial relationships can have their advantages such as giving the fans hope or entertainment, we can see from Maria’s story that it can have its disadvantages too especially if the fans get too emotionally involved or they rely too much on the celebrity for support and neglect other support systems.
Borderline-pathological parasocial relationships
This type represents an extreme form of parasocial relationship where individuals become overly obsessed and emotionally dependent on media personalities. Such relationships may negatively impact the person’s mental health and social functioning.
This may be the highest or most dangerous form of parasocial relationships and this is what Maria was referring to, regarding fans who do not have strong support systems other than being a fan.
“In Korea, there is a term called sasaeng which refers to fans who become obsessive and dangerous stalkers. They would invade the privacy of celebrities or they would get unreasonably mad if they start dating,” she said.
In Asian countries like Korea and Japan, idols or celebrities, especially younger ones, are discouraged to date. It is even stated in their contracts. This is because management agencies noticed that sales of albums or merchandise related to the celebrity plummet once they get into a relationship.
Fans like to fantasize about the idols or at least would like to believe that they are solely devoted to fans and no one else. This may be considered strange behavior, especially in Western countries, but countries like Korea and Japan are known for low fertility rates and sociability problems, which can be a factor in why parasocial relationships develop between fans and celebrities.
It is the opposite in Western countries where it is socially acceptable for celebrities to date other celebrities. In fact, they get more exposure to the media if they start dating, which would lead to more sales or publicity for a celebrity’s upcoming project.
This does not mean, however, that parasocial relationships do not exist in this dynamic. Celebrities would still get crazy stalkers who would barge into their homes or even threaten their life. This has caused some celebrities to be shut-ins o retire from public life. The movie Rebel in the Rye, a biopic about author J.D. Salinger, showed how the author became increasingly paranoid about stalkers. Salinger, played by Nicholas Hoult, ended up isolating in a cabin in the woods and he also stopped publishing.
Are parasocial relationships healthy?
Parasocial relationships can have both positive and negative effects on individuals. On one hand, they offer a sense of companionship and support, especially for people who feel isolated or lonely. These connections can provide comfort and a sense of belonging. However, on the other hand, they may hinder real-life social interactions and lead to unrealistic expectations from media personalities.
Is a parasocial relationship a mental disorder?
It is essential to distinguish parasocial relationships from mental disorders. While parasocial relationships involve one-sided emotional connections with media figures, they are generally considered a normal aspect of human behavior.
However, in some cases, excessive and obsessive engagement in parasocial relationships could be a symptom of underlying mental health issues like loneliness, social anxiety, or depression.
Is having a crush parasocial?
Having a crush on a media personality or celebrity can be considered a form of parasocial relationship, especially if it involves developing intense emotional feelings without any reciprocal interaction. The feelings and attraction in such cases are based on the persona projected by the celebrity rather than genuine personal interactions.
What is an example of a parasocial breakup?
A parasocial breakup occurs when a fan or follower experiences a significant emotional reaction to the perceived rejection or abandonment by the media personality they have formed a parasocial relationship with. For instance, if a celebrity they admire stops posting on social media or decides to take a break from the public eye, the fan may feel heartbroken or betrayed, even though the relationship was entirely one-sided.
An example of this is shown in the Korean series Celebrity, which discusses the pitfalls of social media and being an influencer. In the story, a crazed fan who started out as a supporter of the main character Seo A-ri, turned on her when Seo A-ri started ignoring her messages. This stalker who goes by the username bbbfamous started creating hate accounts for the A-ri, which led to her downfall.
Is being a parasocial relationship cheating?
A parasocial relationship, by its nature, is one-sided and exists solely within the mind of the individual forming the connection. Since there is no direct interaction or mutual relationship, it cannot be considered cheating. However, if the individual’s engagement in parasocial relationships starts affecting their real-life relationships or leads to emotional infidelity, it may become a cause for concern.
If we go back to Maria’s example, she disclosed that she is actually in a relationship but her boyfriend doesn’t feel threatened by her fan activities.
“He lets me use his phone to install apps for voting and he also helps me stream the new music videos of Astro. And when we visited Korea for Valentine’s Day, we went to an art exhibit of one of the members! He is really supportive!” she happily shared.
She said that some of her friends who are also fans of other K-pop groups are in happy, stable relationships. Some are even married. But you can see that a lot of them refer to these celebrities as their “boyfriends” and their partners won’t even bat an eye, she said.
“It only becomes a problem if you let it interfere or derail your life… if it takes over a major part of your life and there is no space for anything else. If you have healthy relationships outside of being a fan, then it should not be a problem.”